Risk

Are you a risk taker? Your initial response may be “no,” I’m a realist – I like to play it safe.

Others of you may say – “sure, I love a good adventure.” Funny thing is, adventure is not the same thing as risk. The word “risk” is a transitive verb that means “to expose to possible loss or danger.”

Adventure is different. It can be a bit more predictable – you often plan an adventure and you’re in control of where you take your adventure and who you take it with.

There are a couple types of risks – one is calculated. Calculated risk is when you understand the potential outcomes both good and bad and there is again an element of control. It’s almost like being a scientist with 2 study groups one of course being a control group. A calculated risk is relatively safe because you know that you’re not going to lose everything – only a specified amount of whatever you’re putting out there (time, money, energy).

The other type of risk is an all out – leap of faith. It’s sort of an all or nothing. You could lose your shirt, get hurt, fail – or you could have the greatest thing you’ve ever experienced in your life.

This is the type of risk that puts butterflies in your stomach – makes your heart race and sends adrenalin soaring through your veins. It’s exciting – yet often terrifying simultaneously. But I’ve noticed a few interesting things about risk. We all take risks (often subconsciously) – each and every day, probably hundreds of times a day in fact.

When you get in your car and put it into drive, you’re taking a risk. When you send your kids out the door in the morning, you’re taking a risk. It takes an element of faith, in order to take a risk. Have you noticed that?

We really all have a lot more faith than we give ourselves credit for. When I sat down in this chair, I had faith that it would hold me up. I never thought twice that I would crash through it. When I woke up this morning and placed my feet on the floor, it never dawned on me whether or not they would hold me up and carry me to the kitchen. When I flipped my light switch on, I didn’t stop to watch and wonder whether or not the light would actually illuminate. Think about it! We do thousands of things that we don’t think twice about that require a small measure of faith, but we’re conditioned to expect them to go the way we planned.

So why do “risks” that involved relationships, business and dreams scare us so badly? You may disagree with me, but I have a theory (of course).

It is a human tendency to subconsciously strive for homeostasis (a state of sameness). How sad! It’s sad, because it’s really not innate. Here we are designed by a vast, expansively creative power – made in His likeness and image, and we strive for familiarity and sameness?! There’s only one reason – you already know the answer to this. It’s fear.

Here’s the interesting and very enlightening thing about fear – human beings are born with only 2 fears. The fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. It’s a physiological fact!

These defense mechanisms are designed to keep us alive on the earth as babies, infants and toddlers – on through adulthood. Does the human race evolve or develop more fears as they continue to move through life from a biological/physiological standpoint? Nope!

Every single “fear” is learned. It’s ingrained in us from outside forces beginning in the early years of life. Those fears are taught, heard, observed in others or even spoken to us directly....(i.e. “you’ll never”, “I’ll never”, “I couldn’t, “I can’t”, “you can’t”, “you shouldn’t”, “you should”, “I shouldn’t”) you get the idea.

Limitations by fear bombard us from every angle – constantly. Just listen closely sometime to the things people say about themselves. I can guarantee you that within the first 20 seconds of asking someone how something in their life is going; you’ll either hear a complaint, or a wish.

What does that tell you!? It tells me that there are very few people out there actually living the life they dreamed they would.

Who was it anyway that told us to stop dreaming as adults? Who’s the genius that told us to settle for mediocrity, when we could strive for excellence in every area of our lives? Are we that lazy? Are we that passive? Do we just look around at everyone else, see them talk about “reality” and figure our dreams were silly and we should “ground” ourselves, get our heads out of the clouds and just settle. Boring!!

We only live one time on this earth in this body with this life. We indeed were created – to create! We are to express ourselves in whatever way we’ve been gifted.

When we have a dream in our heart – (the thing that we used to shout from the rooftops and proudly announce we wanted to do or be as kids), we now whisper only to our closest friends with a half smile and a roll of the eyes – as if to acknowledge how truly ridiculous it is to have a “dream” at our age beyond our current existence.

I read a fascinating book months ago called “Dream Giver.” In it, it describes the journey of a man named “Ordinary” from the land of “Familiar” who decided to pursue his dream. He was met with “boarder bullies” and many various obstacles including a vast waste land along the course of the journey. These unexpected challenges had “Ordinary” forlorn, dismayed and ready to give it all up and turn around running. But he pressed on and finally when he reached his dream. He had a new revelation of who he truly was.

What was the difference between “Ordinary” and the “boarder bullies” (friends, family, and colleagues) that chastised him for his big dream and tried to talk “sense” into him? Fear of risk.

“Ordinary” was brave enough to take a risk because he knew that if he achieved his dream – it would change life as he knew it in a deeply beautiful and meaningful way.

Here’s another curious thing about “Ordinary’s” journey. It turns out that the big dream that lie deep inside his heart in this particular area of his life – was not his dream at all. It was God’s dream for him.

I believe that we owe it to our Creator to share the gifts and talents he’s planted inside of us. It’s nothing less than insulting to settle for someone else’s dream, or worse – stop dreaming all together.

You can’t pursue any dream without risk. What’s holding you back?

I’ve taken risks in my career, in business and in my personal life. I don’t regret most of them. In fact, in terms of my career, the bolder the risk, the better it gets!

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have this thing mastered. It’s taken me a very long time to open up to certain kinds of risks. But most recently it dawned on me that I could continue to “play it safe” in my personal life and stay in my land of “familiar” or I could leap of the cliff, arms spread wide open, look out over the vast expanse and feel the ups and downs of where the wind would carry me.

When we hold back from taking risks in business, dreams and love we are simply protecting ourselves from something that’s either happened in the past, happened to almost everyone we know, or are afraid will happen to us. Here comes that “fear” again. I love the acronym for FEAR (False Expectation Appearing Real).

I’m not going to pretend that it isn’t scary taking a risk. It is! It’s sweaty palm scary sometimes! But so what? What’s the very worst thing that can happen? Take it to worst possible case scenario. You could put yourself out there, and one of two things could happen. You could find that the adventure of these bold new steps feels really good and makes you stronger, building your self confidence and causing things to really take off for you. Or, you could put yourself out there and someone could reject your business idea, your talent or your heart. Then what? Curl up in a ball? Blame the world? Curse “love”? Weak!

Do the thing you are afraid to do, and the death of fear is certain.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

GET BACK OUT THERE! If you sing, then join the church choir or a community theater because you owe it to the rest of the planet to share the gift God’s given you.

If you’re a business minded individual with leadership skills and a great idea – get out there and find a patent attorney and file your business name. I’m probably waiting to purchase the product that’s been swimming around in your head for the past 4 years!

If you’re a creative writer – put pen to paper and share what God has planted in your heart – someone needs exactly what you have to say!

If you’re afraid to love – well, here’s the truth, and I’ve learned it the hard way more than once. You will occasionally be disappointed by people. Why? Because they’re people!

Usually when you are feeling disappointed, rejected or hurt by someone I can almost promise you it’s because of insecurities inside of them. Not you. Read that again.
I had to.

You can choose to “for – give” (thank them for giving you the opportunity to learn and grow) or you can become bitter, hard and closed off to the exact things you always dreamed of that are waiting for you. Those things you want, you’re just not sure you’re worthy of.

A friend of mine who coaches business owners said something that shook me. She said, “Most people think they’re afraid of failure, when in reality – they’re afraid of success.” Of course I asked her why on earth anyone would be afraid of success, and before I could finish my own sentence, it all became clear.

When we pursue something and it starts to go well, people will begin expecting things from us. They’ll expect more success, more of what we’ve already accomplished or done. That’s pressure – right?

With success in any area of life comes responsibility. But what about the rewards?! At what point do we see the picture of the outcome in our minds eye, smile and decide that it’s worth it?

What’s the alternative?? Looking back in the future and verbalizing our heavy hearted curiosity… “I wonder what would have happened if…” or what about the old famous, “I wish I would have just…” “If only I would have….” All those sad, but too often spoken phrases from people that were simply too afraid to leave “familiar.”

What’s really funny is that often times your “familiar” (the place you chose to remain in your mind, your heart or otherwise)is full of pain and bad memories! Did you know that that’s exactly why you’re still there?

Seriously!

You know I love you – but that’s your excuse for not taking a risk. You’re getting some pay off from “wallowing.” Maybe its sympathy from others, maybe it allows you to get away with behavior that is beneath you.

Maybe it even makes you feel "safe." But I hope you know by now that "safety" is an illusion. You're not "safe" when you're in a box - you're in prison. You create your own "safety" when you make good choices and learn to trust yourself.

Think about it. Don’t ask how I know! J

Here’s the thing my friend, and this is important. ONLY RISK TAKERS ACHIEVE THEIR DREAM – IN ANY AREA OF LIFE.

And, NOTHING GREAT WAS EVER ACHIEVED WITHOUT A RISK. It’s not possible. The most successful people in the world by our cultural standards were doubted, rejected, scoffed at and told their “dream” was ridiculous.

Where are they now? Well, Bill Gates is probably on vacation somewhere or setting up a new computer lab for inner city kids (living what he describes as his most fulfilling dream to date). Einstein, well he’s dead but that theory of relativity sure rocks, and Thomas Edison – well after trying to illuminate glass over 1000 times, he never said he “failed.” He only said “I’ve simply found 1000 ways that it WON’T work.” That’s bold. Aren’t you glad he didn’t give up?

Every risk has its reward. Every single one. Even if the thing you thought you wanted didn’t work out, I promise there’s a deeper challenge and a greater meaning in the steps of bravery that carry you forward past your fears and into really “living.”

Storms

Sometimes you can see it coming in the distance. Big, dark grey and deep blue clouds slowly approach in the distance. They roll in slowly, appearing off in the distance and then creeping closer and closer until the drops of rain begin to fall.


If you’re paying attention, and watching the skies you’ll prepare yourself. You’ll take cover you’ll do what you need to do to protect yourself and ride it out. You know eventually it will end, but you’re not thinking about that when you’re in midst of the whirlwind. You’re paying attention to the severity, to the potential danger and to the damage.


Some storms are sudden and severe but they pass quickly. Others start slowly and build predictably, and then roll into the next town, spanning as much territory as possible. Then there are others - the real scary storms that come on suddenly – as if out of nowhere. Maybe they seem sudden because we aren’t paying attention. Maybe there were warning signs, flashes of lightening off in the distance that you didn’t notice because you were distracted or focused on other things.


No matter how it approaches or finds it ways into your life – storms happen. When it comes to the weather – we can be deliberate and try to plan accordingly, but in the reality and the infrequencies of life often times there’s no preparing. They take us by surprise. Sometimes they’ve been building over time and we didn’t even realize it. Sometimes there’s a storm approaching from a county away, and the sun is shining where we are so we have no idea of the impending danger. In any case –when we find ourselves in the midst of it – ready or not, it can change who we are and how we see our lives.


What do you do? Run for cover? Brace yourself and boldly ride it out? Try to hide? I guess it depends.


I recently went through one of the worst storms of my life. Some of you never even knew it. You saw that familiar smile, you heard me talk like I actually know what I’m talking about…and you laughed at my often feeble attempts at humor. Those of you who know me very well, however – know that I’m a performer. It’s what I do for a living. While often the life of the party, what many people don’t know is that performer personalities feel the pressure to always be “on.” Anything less would be showing weakness and vulnerability and there’s nothing worse.



Only a few of you saw the tears, the pain and the fear.


It began when my son Ben started to rapidly regress. Near the end of August he finished a very intense neurological “brain gym” program. When the therapy was finished my son disappeared. It was like watching someone slowly walking backwards into a black hole. I felt so helpless. He began doing things to himself that were causing injury. My baby was beating himself up – with his fists! He developed huge bruises on his joints, and was hitting himself in the head with fists, almost constantly. He also stopped talking conversationally and would only repeat a few very loud phrases.


He got up each night in the middle of the night and would run into my room – than up for the day by 4 or 4:30 in the morning. This went on for a month.


When I would try to stop him from yelling, hitting himself or anything else…it would get worse. He’d go after the other kids – even the dog! When I would hold him back, he’d try to bite anything within distance. Even on our car rides to doctors, therapy etc. he’d bite the arm of the chair!


I went into a tail spin, which resembled the one that I sunk into shortly after Ben was diagnosed. I searched the internet during the night time and called around during the day trying to find answers.


Personality types like mine do not “accept” things that “are” very easily. To us that’s an absurd concept. To us, you get up – and you do something about it! You quickly start researching to collect all the possible causes, treatments and cures. You just "get er done!" You internalize you angst for a while, while driving forward toward a solution to the “problem.”
This time I simply felt helpless. I was helpless. Nothing I was doing was working to help my baby. One morning after another sleepless night I picked up the phone and demanded that he be seen at his doc’s office right away. We had other assessments and evaluations that we needed to go through to try to figure things out.


Watching my son in this place pushed me to different place. This one was a dark one. Full of self doubt, and wondering where I went wrong and what on earth I am doing with my life. It became strikingly obvious that my plan for Ben didn’t work. My 5 year plan for getting my son mainstreamed just didn’t work. I failed. Not only is he not mainstreamed and having lost his diagnosis yet – but now I’m supposed to try to pull him out of a massive stim/SIB regression! Too much. I hated autism and the way it imprisons perfect little creatures.


My old anxiety and panic came back like a flood. All the fear, the pain and the doubt on the inside of that storm literally drowns out everything else. No amount of exercise or happy stories stops the misfired flood of adrenalin that surges at times like this.


It’s times like this when God (who promises never to leave us nor forsake us) feels very distant. “Where are YOU!” “Help my son!” “Help me!” I always want a fail swoop to decend like a wing to sweep me up and carry me to the place where my mind had before hand created all the things that are supposed to be going right and well. But, God works in his own ways. Sometimes he doesn’t swoop down, scoop us down and carry us away. I even though of that beautiful piece of art called “Footprints” where there are 2 pairs of feed imprints in the sand for a distance and then only one. The caption reads, “When you were strong I walked with you, when you were weak…I carried you.” Why was I still walkig, and carrying Ben on my back?!


It occurs to me that he could of course come on down to earth and do this in the flesh. Or does he? He promises to send an ever present help in our time of trouble. I’m going to call them Angels.


Angels began showing up appearing in my life…and then the real close ones – rushed in. Some of my angels were the ones that stayed in my home with me trying to offset Ben in those early hours so I could try to get some sleep. Some you are the ones that came and helped take care of the kids and do laundry while I went to the doctor to be tested for thyroid and Adrenal fatigue! Or paced the floor waiting to give Ben a medication – or helping me try the things the doctors prescribed. There were those of you angels that literally held me. You just held me. Some of you let me sob in your arms knowing that I needed to be weak/almost childlike in that moment. When you weren’t there, you called me every day. You know who you are.


For the other angels that didn’t understand the depth of what I was going through but still showed up as an angel. Those of you who allowed me to deligate my work reponsibilities onto you while you encouraged me.



Thank you.



You’re the ones that gave me something interesting and beautiful to focus on – and that was very healing. You allowed me to be myself minus the all the chaos.The walks, the talks, you brought me back to a place of normalcy outside of the storm that was still brewing in my home and with my kids.


Thank you for being my angels! You’ve inspired me to do the very same thing for others around me. We all hear our friends and/or acquaintances say that they’re going through something hard and we sort of make this “ah” pouty lip face, stick a hand on their shoulder and act as if that small action should suffice.


My new challenge to myself will be to reach out to those that really is in pain or in need that are in close proximity and try to comfort them in a real way that would add to their lives. That’s what it takes to help someone through a storm I think. There are times when you’ve got the hand of someone and you’re on solid ground, but you’re holding on for dear life because they’re dangling in the wind!


At this point – it’s time to jump into the storm with them, get dirty and let them be weak if you have the ability to be strong. No judgment involved…just a quiet ear, a soft encouraging word, a hot meal, a load of laundry, mowing the lawn – or even just that hug.


My goal now is to try to be as sensitive as possible to someone who’s got the painted smile, while the pain seeps out every nook and cranny. It’s OK to get real with each other. Even those of us with ridiculous expectations of ourselves or others. It’s OK to be vulnerable – and the moist IMPORTANT thing I learned is that it’s important to be honest and ask for help without feeling bad about it!“Supermom” shouldn’t need help – right? That’s what I would have loved for you to think. It’s just not possible to be all things to all people at all times. No one really expects us to – but us!


I’ve resolved to take off that ridiculous expectation, and move in what I know to be true and right to pursue for my kids and I. I will not me in guilt because I haven’t healed Ben. That's not my job - it's Gods. I'm going to continue to do the very best I can do with the knowledge and information I have for my son. And you know what? It will be fabulous!


Thanks for all your thoughts, prayers and help for our little family. God Bless you – MY ANGELS!